News and Announcements

AGM Round Table Discussion

Finding more ways to "walk the walk", reaching out to embody the "T" in togetherness when we think of Masters And slaves Together
Facilitator: slave daisy

At the MAsT Annual General Meeting, one of the activities that we did was meet in roundtables and discuss topics that may be relevant to chapters around the world. One of the topics mentioned was finding more ways to "walk the walk", reaching out to embody the "T" in togetherness when we think of Masters And slaves Together.

One idea mentioned was making sure that we really mean it when we ask members "How are you?" at meetings and outside of meetings. We can work to foster friendships beyond just monthly meetings, through activities like bowling, movie nights, dinner parties, and other social venues. Pizza parties and kinky movie nights sounded like popular choices.

If a member hasn't been present for several meetings, reaching out through phone calls or email can let a member know that there is a friendly face wondering where they are. Be sure to avoid falling into the role of a therapist, but it may be appropriate to have phone numbers available as a resource if a member does have a need for kink friendly resources in your area.

Fundraisers are another great way to involve a chapter in a social activity. Activities between multiple chapters can promote interconnectedness and give social opportunities for people to interact within a wider radius.

Making sure that people have an opportunity to speak at meetings is a way to keep members invested in a chapter and make sure they feel a part of things. Having membership select and submit topics, or even act as guest presenters can be empowering, and can also help avoid a chapter having an autocracy feel.

Letting members know specific ways in which they can help a chapter strengthens it through the delegation of jobs to members who show interest. Ensuring that meetings are always a safe space and that all people are treated with respect is a must, and reinforces the concept of togetherness. Working together, leadership and members can make each chapter shine, and make all members feel welcome, valued, and validated.

Dealing with predators in our group (i.e. in our MAsT chapters)
Facilitator: slave riches

Definition discussed - what is a predator? How do you know/how do you identify a predator?
ï¿½ Someone who wants to steal people away from a group and not participating in it
ï¿½ Someone who wants to take over the group
ï¿½ Someone who is only looking to "hook up" with another attendee with no other interest
ï¿½ Someone exhibiting bullying behavior (e.g.: racist, homophobic, "one true way"-ers)
ï¿½ Differentiate between those who are Clueless vs. Misinformed vs. having Dangerous Intent
Is there really an issue?
ï¿½ The strong structure of MAsT chapters tends to keep predators away
ï¿½ MAsT tends to be self-policing.
Requiring the payment of dues and/or a membership fee
ï¿½ Indicates attendees dedication to group, predators tend to not be financially vested
ï¿½ Paying dues doesn't guarantee membership continuance in the group
Vetting
ï¿½ Refer back to MAsT core values & chapter mission statement - does individual meet the criteria?
ï¿½ Hierarchy in the vetting process - who vets?
ï¿½ Meeting with potential attendees before they are allowed to attend a meeting, explaining such things as expected behavior (eg. not trolling)
ï¿½ Some chapters require attending minimum # of meetings before they can apply to join
* a "voting in" process by majority allows for "voting out" if the need arises
ï¿½ Connect with MAsT International or regional reps to check any known background of the individual
ï¿½ Communication with leaders of non-MAsT groups regarding background and experience with the individual (do NOT do this publicly)
Attending the meetings
ï¿½ Watch the suspected predator over time, evaluate actions over words
ï¿½ If no harm is being done take opportunity to educate the individual
* appropriate behavior - leaders model it as well as discuss with individual
* assign a mentor
ï¿½ If there is bullying behavior - stand up to them every time, over and over again
ï¿½ If it's a persistent, damaging problem may opt to close the chapter and fast-track to form a new one.

Open vs Closed Meetings; Special Interest Groups
Facilitator: Master John

General comments and concerns
Set of expectations, rules, guidelines, or agreements made clear at beginning of meeting. Perhaps a previously agreed upon formal Mission Statement.
Colorado has 6 chapters within 140 miles. The original chapter is closed, but all others are open.
What if there is a relationship breakup? How does one side show up when the other side is there as well? Will the attendees take sides?
Can a slave show up without a Master? Yes, but do they know that, and are they comfortable doing it? One knew she could but couldnï¿½t handle listening to discussions on relationships when she didnï¿½t have one.

Pros of Open Meeting
New chapter chose to be open, didnï¿½t want to exclude the broader community
Gateway to larger community
Little to no barrier to entry
One chapter has open meetings, but still has deeper conversation. Saying is, itï¿½s not a real MAsT meeting until Kleenexï¿½s show up.
Not worried about conflicts from raising sensitive topics, the topic is chosen from a fishbowl so no one knows who raised the question. So deeper topics and conversation can be conducted.
Some have separate Master or slave meetings later, after the general meeting, to enable deeper conversations.

Cons of Open Meeting
Challenges with unknown attendees, i.e., one chapter had a racist show for a meeting. Fortunately, they did not return.
Concerns about opening up for deeper conversations, sharing your personal stuff, when not all attendees are known. Will they respect confidentiality? Will they feel comfortable sharing and not face judgement?

Pros of Closed Meeting
Can vet new attendees.
Quality of conversation rises.
Solid core of attendees.
Higher level of support from others. Greater feeling of family.
Current members sponsor new members. They are held responsible for conduct of new attendees. One mis-step and the new attendee is out.
One closed chapter has 2 closed, 1 open each quarter.
One chapter has a closed meeting 1st, then an open meeting immediately after on the same day. Members of the closed chapter can stay for the open meeting.
If meeting is in a private home, you donï¿½t have unknown people showing up at your house later.
Conversely, new people may not want to go to someoneï¿½s private home for the first time, safety concerns.

Cons of Closed Meeting
Vetting process requires administration.
Vetting process may be barrier to entry.
Vetting process can cause problems with continued growth. Especially when you are in an area with many other competing chapters in the local area. Common in the NE region.
What if prior personal conflicts between new person and active member causes new person to fail vetting process?

Purpose of Special Interest Groups
Possibility of a Trans only group? Would be helpful for those transitioning. Other attendees would be in a position of knowledge and experience, can better help. Safer, enable the person(s) to open up. But it depends on the size and nature of the community.
Queer focused chapter, more supportive of M/s challenges from a queer perspective. If non-queer person wants to join, they can be referred to another nearby chapter.

How to bring back former members
Facilitator: Miz Lilly

ï¿½ Points of awareness
â—¦ It has been experienced by some that the less some folks know, the more they need to talk during the meetings. This leads some of the elders to feeling pushed out because while they are comfortable with their dynamic and may not be experiencing some of the challenges of newer folks, often by the timeï¿½ those challenges have been discussed it is time to close the meeting-ï¿½ so they are left without time to discuss what may be important in their own dynamic, or left feeling obsolete in the group
â–ª It is agreed that there needs to be an opportunity for everyone to talk during the meeting.ï¿½ Perhaps not mandatory, but certainly a heartfelt invitation.
â—¦ People tend to leave because they feel something has lost its value. We need to really examine our chapters and determine ways to create more value in our meetings and meeting content.
â–ª ex: safe space at meetings, that extends beyond the meeting time, so that partners can address problems and not be emotionally hijacked later and made to feel ashamed for being vulnerable.
ï¿½ Creating opportunities
â—¦ it was discussed that perhaps Chapters invite other Chapters in their region to come and share some of their experiences, invited former members to come and present their dynamics in a special class, or to facilitate a meeting. Basically, letting them know there is still a role for them as the group changes.
ï¿½ A personal touch
â—¦ Reaching our, as a Director and/orï¿½ as a member to simply say "Hey weï¿½ miss you"ï¿½ and privately asking them:
â–ª If there is a reason they have stepped back such as:
ï¿½ ï¿½ an offense from another member or a leader within the group
ï¿½ rules that are not observed equally and upheld consistently by all.
ï¿½ That some folks areï¿½given a "blind eye" because of their relationship with the director or someone else in the community- and it has created a desire for distance for the issue.
ï¿½ word choices during the meeting that have created offense of hurt feelings
ï¿½ issues with respect
â–ª if there is accommodation that might be created, such as
ï¿½ ï¿½less stairs,
ï¿½ ï¿½less ambient notice,
ï¿½ ï¿½longer break time,
ï¿½ change the meeting formatï¿½
ï¿½ create classes that might meet the needs of their dynamic more fully
â—¦ simply reaching outï¿½to express the feeling of loss; that their absence is noted and that we care for them
â—¦ Celebrating the longevity of relationships by creating workshops that do not always focus on new stumbling blocks but also help feed the established relationship
â—¦ Emphasizing the commonalty of our M/s dynamicsï¿½from time to time, instead of always focusing on the diversity of it.
â—¦ Invite them to be a guest speaker over a topic that highlights a strength in their dynamic.
â—¦ let them know that even if their situation has changed they are still a valid part of things
â–ª if one loses a partner they may feel unwelcome until they are partnered again.
â—¦ find out why they left and develop a series of classes that will address those needs.
â—¦ there were repeated statements that centered around the fact that we need to reach out to each other, providing personalï¿½contact to people who are distancing themselves. We, as friends canï¿½make a stronger impact on a one to one contact than the anonymous "community" can ever have.
ï¿½ Counter points (Discussion aspects)ï¿½
â—¦ Why do we want to? If they are happy where they are, why not simply let them be? Everyone does not need to be in the middle of things to have happiness.
â–ª Instead of trying to lure that person back to something they are leaving, if we like that person why not simply develop a personal friendship with them? Why rely on a group to create friendships?
â–ª If we develop a real friendship with this couple/this personï¿½and somethingï¿½happens in the group that we might feel will work for them, how much more effective would a heartfelt invitation from a friend be than a check in from an ubiquitous club?
â–ª recognize that someone may be in a different place in their lives now. Perhaps they have left M/s, or maybe there has been a death or a need for a sabbatical.ï¿½ Perhaps simply by respecting where someone is, and building on their wishes,ï¿½if their needs change later, andï¿½they want to return, they will remember the gracious acknowledgement of their wishes and know they would also receive a sincere welcomeï¿½if they return.
â—¦ How do we, as Chapter Directors collect feedback of member needs?
â–ª ï¿½Is there something in place in each chapter to collect data and address it before there is an issue or loss?
â–ª Often Chapters have no problem keeping information flowing from leaders to members but what do we have that helps information flow from members to leaders?
â–ª How do we keep our members feeling heard and engaged?

The meeting wrapped up by theï¿½note takers reading their 4 questions and the responses they got at the break out, and thenï¿½we adjourned.ï¿½